Un Ninaive Oru Sangeetham…….

This blog will be recollecting my journey, with my better-ever- half , which was abruptly stopped by the cruelest fate, deciding that she should be better off from me. Santhamma might have alighted down well before me, but her soul travel will continue with me till my end., guiding and motivating me throughout..


M.Hariharamahadevan B.Sc, M.B.A, Dip-TD Mail id- hari9553@yahoo.com Location: Chennai,India A chemist turned into HRD Consultant out of interest. Has got more than two decades of industrial experience. Has worked in various capacities in M/S.SPIC LTD and came out as manager. From 1996 onwards, doing placement, training and OD activities for leading corporates in IT and Manufacturing sectors both private and public, under the name MIND-QUEST MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS. Has conducted more than 2000 sessions , so far. Short story and Drama writer. Short Stories have been published in Tamil magazines and dramas enacted. Has given talks thorough AIR and TV Channels on management topics

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Santhamma , days are moving fast. One year has passed after your departure from this world. People normally welcome September –Come September . In my case it is drive off September-Go September. The month that made you off from this world. Anyhow what that month will do? Now I am taking everything as it comes. The metamorphosis in me during this one year is something positive. From nowhere to some where .Negative thoughts , wild imagination about various events and plans haunted my inflicted mind. Finally I accepted the harsh reality and digested and reconciled .Four people are responsible for this paradigm shift and I thank them profusely for their interest in me. - the first one is the lady selling idlies nearer to our own flat in Vadapalani , who cautioned me about my falling health on 18th Oct ’06 exactly after one month of your departure from this world, the second is astrologer Shri. Chandrasekar,- he is more than a brother for me,who gave positive guidance and shaped me for betterment thru his continuous guidance-by phone & his frequent personal visits to Chennai:- the third one being the Gita exponent Swami Parthasarathy, who showed a distinct spiritual path for me and the last and not the least one is my reverent Guruji Shri .Narayanan , who thru his ATMA GNANA YOGA programme and his personal life example( who taught useful lessons to me like-so what , what next? Life is a tape recorder. Don’t have your life with rewinding or fast forward but with play only –that alone can give music. The other two will give only noise. His Yoga exercises are helping me to maintain a good health). All these people were GOD-sent and with your blessings too. These are the people who have lifted my personality enabling me to lift the world., for which I am equipping myself slowly. HE gives the illness and the remedy too. All happens with some purpose in life. We are only too ignorant to grasp this. If that Gnana comes , we will go nearer to HIM. When , how , which Janma.? That is also HIS will. I find myself reaching towards the maturity level that I should accept life as it comes .Ego, anger, lust , jealousy are all vanishing . Will follow the principle of thinking good, speaking good and doing good for the mind, body , soul and to others. Service and sacrifice are the two vehicles that make us reach toward GOD which will be pursued by me during the rest of my life.

With HIS will and with YOUR blessings , we are launching SHANTHANJALI TRUST today , which will carry out purposeful activities to the needy. I will be at Thiruvannamalai on this day visiting Arunachaleswarar temple and Ramanamaharishi Ashramam. Somehow Thiruvannamalai has become nearer to my body , mind & soul so much. Even I use to contemplate that my last moments will be at that place, that is close to LORD SHIVA, who is my favourite GOD. This soul should leave the body at the most auspicious time of Mahashivarathri for LORD SHIVA at that place., that is my fervent prayer. People say that the very name of that place will make us get salvation. I long for that salvation in that holy place.

Rama, our elder daughter has come with our son-in-law Kumar. She will be here with me .If HIS will and YOUR blessings are there, she should leave for Dubai with a child. That is our prayer and your last wish too. I am enjoying her company. From loneliness to love & affection from my dearest daughter- from preparing food, serving food, eating food, cleaning all the vessels lonely (like an othan who does the rituals for the deceased persons on the 11th day) to doing joyfully with my dear and affectionate daughter. HE and YOU should give me that golden opportunity of doing my twin responsibility as a father and mother( Thayumanavan as they call in Hindu Mythology) to my daughters. I did not have the opportunities to take care of you, by your side, when you were in family way for Rama& Subha –our two daughters , since you were away from me on heath reasons in the case of Rama and due to my official assignments in the case of Subha. HE & YOU should give that opportunities of taking care of my daughters during their pregnancy. I long for that service to Rama soon , to be followed to Subha .Will YOU bestow that?

Experience is a hard teacher , who gives test first and lessons later. That teacher has given me lot of tests in this one year period, and many valuable lessons too . The minds , attitudes and the real colours of so many , that teacher has enabled me to identify .I am nothing to judge them , only thing they are settling the Karma account with me , that is all. I am conditioned to all odds-going without proper food or no food , due to the late arrival or without proper stuff for the stomach ( that was loaded with varieties by you , which was not properly responded by me in your life time) or cleaning the vessels after odd hours due to non arrival of servant maid , cleaning the floors on your thithi days, arranging & preparing the vessels for cooking , making the milk & yoghurt –all these I thought as something –not my cup of tea-It is HE and YOU made me realize that I should be accustomed to it. Rama is asking me now - how appa, can you eat very little subji for the meals and certain subjies not liked by you ,given by the caterer, which is not your usual? I use to tell her- HE & your mother’s good soul have at least given this , when so many are striving for one square meal. I should be thankful to THEM. I am accustomed to all odds and more so to the torturing loneliness. When ever I feel depressed , I use to stand before your enlarged photo. When I weep, I find that reflection in your photo. When I find myself joyful due to the good experience in the
class /corporate lectures, I find that happiness in your photo. The world is a mirror image of what we see. YOU are my world, so that is why it happens, I presume .YOU are like that Monolisa to me..

I have never failed to do the 12 months rituals done every month(excepting at my stay and inevitable occasion at Dubai) for you as per the traditions. I am proud to say that I have done to you single handedly in these days-the duties to the deceased done like a son . Excepting two or three occasions, not a day passed without offering rice-dhal-ghee combination offered to the crows amidst my busy schedule in the morning, I can say with certainty. This is not something to blow my own trumpet , but to make it known to others about my humble service to my departed wife, whom I have not served like this even in her life time, I doubt. Somehow, our wish, that the year end rituals should be done at Varanasi is not able to be materialized. Probably it should be done with all our
ancestors ‘s rituals, that may be HIS & YOUR wish.

Your joy of serving will continue thru the Shanthanjali Trust, we are dedicating today. You always care for others more than the family members. YOU were always following the lesson that our home should be the centre , not the boundary of our affection. Thru Shanthanjali Trust , that statement will come true, I can assure YOU.

You remember that I was mentioning about the prayer to GOD as sent by my friend Bala.
That prayer I do regularly, of course with betterment.

That will give you some idea about the paradigm shift in me , during this one year period.

Prayer 1.:- I love you GOD. GOD, YOU are bestowing me good or bad depending upon the deeds done in my last janmas. You are highly impartial. YOU give me valuable lessons , experiences daily and thru that some sort of clarity in my mind

Prayer 2:- I thank you GOD. YOU dragged my dear from me, but YOU have given me the most loving, caring daughters, son-in-laws, relatives, friends, who are enabling me to have attachment to my life. I should do something useful for others and lead a meaningful life. YOU have given the gift –skill of teaching , thru which I impart life skills for the students , whom I treat like my own children. They are also much attached to me . YOU have given the writing skills , thru which I will spread valuable messages to the society. I will do useful & needy programmes for the poor students. I will help the needy –physically, financially .Thank you GOD for blessing me with this kind of thoughts .

Prayer 3:- YOU are inside me. Please guide me properly and lead towards the right path. Purge off the negative thoughts, anger, jealousy completely from me. Give me mental stamina, positive mind and courage

Prayer 4:- I am attracting YOUR blessings. Please pour YOUR blessings in carrying out my assigned responsibilities as a parent,( twin responsibilities as a mother& father)
in carrying out my social obligations to the deserving children and the needy , with the gift given to me, enlighten the youth for shaping their future, with my writing gift given by YOU , spreading the purposeful message to the society-all these require a sound mind, body with good thoughts . O GOD , bestow me with sound health, mind, wealth , wisdom so that I can stand on my own legs-physically, mentally, financially, psychologically. How many years I am going to live –that is immaterial. How useful I am to others –that is more important. The astrologer says that I will longer-I am not attracted by that. In fact I make a fervent prayer to YOU that –I want to live for another max-10 to 15 yrs only. The balance left out life , pl utilize for some needy person.

GOD, no more Janma for me. Take this soul by your side, when it leaves this sinful body& mind. That too take this life when this body and mind are engrossed with the prayer to its favourite GOD LORD SHIVA, on the most auspicious day of Mahashivarathri.Pl give that blessings to me.

Prayer 5:- GOD I am seeing you every where. I find every body as your reflection. I try to do something good for each.

Prayer 6:- GOD, forgive those who have done bad for me. I don’t have any eligibility to judge them. Pl bless them, still I love them.

Prayer 7:- GOD , Let me do YOUR good work.Thru the Shanthanjali Trust, let this body & mind get the satisfaction of serving for others. The departed soul of my beloved wife was finding immense pleasure in serving others, which will be continued thru that trust.

Each and every syllable of this prayer will be scrupulously followed by me till my last breath. As is said nicely, TOUGH TIMES NEVER LAST, TOUGH PEOPLE DO. I have somehow crossed the one year tough period. I am sure this tough man with his conviction and clear direction & proper goal will lead a meaningful and purposeful life –that may be HIS will . Santhamma Pl offer YOUR blessings for that mission .

Santhamma, we get what we deserve. I deserve this kind of life due to my bad deeds in my previous janmas. I can’t rewrite that. But I can shape my future with the good deeds that are to be done by me from now onwards. That is with me and my free will, the wonderful gift given by GOD, is alert now and with YOUR blessings that will surely guide me properly .

Santhamma, UN NINAIVE ORU SANGEETHAM. The thirty years of our married life is something to be cherished upon for ever . With that memories and with the service to the humanity , I can lead the rest of my life peacefully , if not joyfully, of course useful for others. If the contents of this blog can tell some useful message to the youngsters and if they lead a happy and purposeful life, settling their differences, I & YOUR soul will be much happier. That I feel will be a right &useful step towards the society

My life guidelines will be, as told by the wise old man:-

Free your heart from hatred
Free your mind from worry
Live simply
Give more
Expect less

I will not trouble you every month here afterwards: will contact you when ever I feel like. Till then bye bye.