Un Ninaive Oru Sangeetham…….

This blog will be recollecting my journey, with my better-ever- half , which was abruptly stopped by the cruelest fate, deciding that she should be better off from me. Santhamma might have alighted down well before me, but her soul travel will continue with me till my end., guiding and motivating me throughout..


M.Hariharamahadevan B.Sc, M.B.A, Dip-TD Mail id- hari9553@yahoo.com Location: Chennai,India A chemist turned into HRD Consultant out of interest. Has got more than two decades of industrial experience. Has worked in various capacities in M/S.SPIC LTD and came out as manager. From 1996 onwards, doing placement, training and OD activities for leading corporates in IT and Manufacturing sectors both private and public, under the name MIND-QUEST MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS. Has conducted more than 2000 sessions , so far. Short story and Drama writer. Short Stories have been published in Tamil magazines and dramas enacted. Has given talks thorough AIR and TV Channels on management topics

Saturday, November 15, 2008

New Avadhar

Santhamma, your new Avadhar in your present Janma as Harsha, our grand daughter is growing well with the meticulous care & concern and scrupulous follow up by our daughter and the baby’s mother Rama. Poor girl is doing many sacrifices for her child-be it her food , sleep and other comforts. Otherwise the baby would not have picked up from the below weight to normal. You should be proud of having a caring mother and father for you in this Janma. It is said that the grand parents come back to this world after their death. It is not they but their unfulfilled desires and ambitions take shape for rebirth, without which the karma account will not get settled. After all we get children for settlement of our karmic accounts .
Harsha resembles you in many bodily structures and postures –be it the shape of the chubby cheeks & chin and the postures of the raised hands, folding and spread of the legs while sleeping. I would be wondering of the creation of GOD, while observing the baby and the movements. All your unfulfilled desires – longing of parental care, love& affection , the craving for richness which I could not give to the extent you expected.( Of course you and I know the limitations due to our family commitments . I was planning to give all you longed for .Alas you were then snatched away from me suddenly by the cruel fate.) I will continue that in your present janma as Harsha, the angel that has entered in our family. No doubt you will be showered with the love and affection by Rama & Kumar as the most caring parents. You are blessed with that, and we too, to have you again in our family. People say that you were not fortunate to see and pour the love to the grandchild .But , if the intentions of your soul and HIS desires are for you to enter as the baby to Rama , how can you be alive? When you have to be the recipient, how you can be a giver? When you have to be a beneficiary, how can you be a donor of love? If something is lost, then only we can get another. We are only too poor to understand this law of life

No doubt the angel baby will bring many positive transformation in our family to all, bringing good fortune , wealth and happiness. Harsha should have a brother or sister soon thru Subha& Sreedhar for which I make my fervent prayers now.

To meet to love and to part is the saddest tale of human heart –our beloved daughter Rama had been with me for the past fifteen months . I could do whatever possible from my side and arranging the maximum for her comforts and for the angel baby after her arrival. Of course I can’t compensate the motherly affection that should have been given by you , if you were alive. But I could do the maximum , without letting her feel for the comforts. I did not do any but HE and your SOUL were with me behind, enabling me to with stand the trials and tribulations. I used to wonder how it were possible .If HE and your soul were with me who can be against us? More than anything else the enormous patience , extraordinary conviction exercised by Rama ,the two strengths given by HIM, were the motivation for me, without that I could not have done anything at all.. Hats off to our daughter Rama. Harsha’s angelic face , her smile and her body movements reverberate in my mind. She has left for Dubai to be taken care by her affectionate father , who has also done much sacrifice –be it food, comforts for the sake of the baby longed for .Both the parents’ sacrifice have paid dividends-as your new Avadhar. You should excel to be a shrewd, intelligent –jack of all trade girl –sakala kala valli- as I use to tell Rama often,. You will and you should. Your parents and your grand father ( this poor man if he has more longevity) in your new Avadhar will be behind you , undoubtedly, Santhamma. I use to feel about their absence but will soon overcome with the feeling that all are inevitable. They have left for betterment. I also think now that you also left this world for betterment in the next Janma. All destined by HIM. We are too ignorant to understand those facts.When our two daughters are contacting me , pouring their love and affection thru the telecom daily what is the necessity for lamenting? Instead of building up that strength, what is the use of worrying about the have-nots? Converting the threat of loneliness into an opportunity of doing many useful deeds and ideals is the need of my present hour. I have realized now and I strive for that indeed.

I am seeing you in Harsha and also in all the noble deeds of Shanthanjali Trust., which will be officially registered during next week. See the beauty. You were very sensitive and our near and dear call you as roshakkaari .Somehow the process of registration of the trust got delayed , I did not realize the reason at that time. Now I found. You know how? We got the mediclaim reimbursement for your treatment after my Bagiratha Prayarthanam ( as termed by Rama) by moving up to LIC Ombudsman panel. I decided long back that amount should go to your trust. It is your soul’s wish and HIS wish too that the Shanthanjali Trust can be registered only after the credit of the above amount got in your favour. Such was your sensitiveness. I am sure you will arrange for the pouring of funds for many noble deeds to be executed with the Shanthanjali Trust. If Santhamma is with me in that endeavour , why I and other trustees should bother?

Home should be the center and not the periphery of our action. I will follow that ideal thru that trust . I am sure I can lead the rest of my life peacefully with that purpose –the rest may mean days or months or years, I don’t bother .EEETHAL ISAIPADA VAZTHAL My living should be meaningful, purposeful to many not only to my near and dear. You proved that in your last janma, which I should also follow during the rest of my life. For that reason only, I long for more physical & mental stamina remaining as self reliant –physically, mentally , financially and psychologically . Will your noble soul and HIS divine grace be with me for that , till my last breath? I am sure they will. My fervent prayers are for that only, Santhamma.

Saturday, July 26, 2008


Santhamma, the much& very eagerly awaited has happened. Rama gave birth to the female child.You have come back to the same family. It should happen. The unfulfilled desires , aspirations and what not can’t be destroyed. Physics says matter can neither be created nor destroyed. Same way desires can’t go into the earth along with the dead body. It has to find a way for that. The theory of Karma too , with which I have a firm belief and with which I have been doing the Karmic Intelligence Programme., dictates that .

Looking back and tracing back my activities with the last 9 months , I am wondering how I was able to support Rama , taking the twin responsibility . People are calling me Thayumanavan I am nothing when compared to her.. The real credit goes to Rama only Because of her extraordinary will power and patience , she could manage and maintain her health throughout the nine crucial months. She was able to control her tongue-at times I might have used my bad tongue with harsh words, that too, to force her to take certain healthy foods. That only had created some tussle between us. Poor child, has withstood more trials and tribulations for the baby in the womb I was trying t o give the healthy foods for the body , mind , soul of the baby thru rich food, & rich spiritual slogas, songs and music. .Only a very few mothers would have done that. Her patience and persistence have paid the dividends.

Harsha , that Dhava Pudhalvi has been born. Rosy, brisky girl child has been given by HIM. That name has been coined by her parents ( a common name for a boy or a girl) a few months back. , a combination of her maternal grandparents name. When Rama explained the reason behind that name, I was much overwhelmed. The fruit of our hard efforts will be felt with the deserving recognition from the concerned. I am blessed to have such a caring daughter and son –in-law. The efforts directed at the aimed goal , when hit the target , will make us forget the strenuous efforts. It is HE and your soul who have given the physical and mental stamina in my journey towards my desired goal in the last 9 months.

Do you know Santhamma, just a few days back of Harsha’s birth , a desire to float a management consultancy with the exact name of HARSHA ( Harsha Management Solutions as it is going to be registered) with another worthy partner of same wavelength and similar skill of mine came to my mind . What a coincidence , indeed? Like the grandchild, that brain child of ours will have a bright future. I seek your blessings for that.

We should thank Dr. Jeyarani , with her ever- smiling face. for her meticulous care ,
Iwas somehow conditioned to the different aspects of the hospital – their hard-working doctors with their para-medical staff , the melodious music spreading through the lift path, the word –ayamma( the support staff ladies) all have registered in my mind. Even though HE is the Creator , HE delegates HIS major jobs to these kind of team .Thanks to those team and I bow to them.

To meet to love and to part is the saddest tale of human heart. Even though I should not think that, my mind starts worrying about the torturous loneliness , that is in evitable say after another four months. After your departure from this world, Rama was with me for 3 months, immediately I went to Dubai to be with her. I was undergoing loneliness from Feb- Aug ’07 after wards Rama has been there with me . I have been doing my assigned responsibilities to my beloved daughter . That is the period which taught many useful lessons- physical, mental & psychological .That is the period which taught many

Wonderful lessons on patience . Your soul and HIS grace were with me. If GOD and Santhamma’s soul be with me, who can be against me? Each and every step we took, each and every decision we planned all proved to be worth while. A journey of thousands miles starts with the single step. The pleasant part of that journey is the birth of Harsha
With the star of the Lord Mahavishnu. Mahalakshmi has entered into our house with the star of her Lord . Let HARSHA bring all the fortune , peace and happiness to all concerned. HE should give more years to me to witness not only Harsha’s progress but also the progress of the child to be born to Sreedhar-Suba. and also the progress of HARSHA Management Solutions.and Shanthanjali Trust. With your blessings , my efforts should spread to others outside our family. Home should be the center of our action . and not its periphery in action.. Shanthanjali Trust should spread its wings in all possible directions.

Un Ninaive Oru Sangeetham

We are seeing you in Harsha. Karma theory says that people leave this world to come back for undertaking the unfulfilled mission. You have miles to go miles to go It is yet another journey for you through Harsha. How long I will be there with your resumed journey HE and your soul alone know . One thing I wish to point out at this moment of joyfulness –I have many more promises to keep many more promise to keep. I have done my duties to my daughters to my satisfaction. I will uphold my responsibilities not only to them but to the deserving and to the society, in all the future through HARSHA MANAGEMENT SOLUTIONS , and Shanthanjali Trust., for which I crave for your blessings and spiritual support . No doubt you will pour that out..

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Trials &Tribulations

It is almost 21 months since you left us Santhamma. It is seven months since your soul has entered the womb of our daughter Rama.

Poor girl, longing for the motherly care& concern , which I am trying to compensate, to the best of my ability and skill. HIS grace and the blessings of your soul are with me, guiding , consoling and motivating me at all times, at this crucial hours of greater responsibility. You are idling safer at your daughter’s womb, for which we are taking all our efforts. God-sent cook Santhanam who nourishes Rama with his nice food items, with her meticulous choice( en excel sheet of daily menu was made by Subha & Rama for the guidance of the cook) and the sisterly care of Maheswari , our servant maid Bommi’s sister’s daughter. The family of Bommi might have owed to us in their previous Janma, which it is repaying now. All goes well and should with the rest of the 90 days. I use to tell all that you will be born as a male child to Rama on the date of birth of your second daughter and at your star in your last Janma-falling on 31st July.
We await that day.
It is said that parents get children for the settling of Karma accounts and it is true with my case in respect of my two daughters. Subha, pours her love & affection daily thru telephone and she feels a lot for not being able to help me.I use to tell her that her love & affection, care & concern compensate her absence in multiples . She might have owed a lot in her previous janma to me which she repays in the present janma and I might have owed a lot to Rama in my Previous Janma , which I am repaying now. The only thing is that both of us are doing it with the utmost sincerity and devotion, from the bottom most of our heart-not as a duty but with passion.
The fruit of our efforts will be realized on the day of seeing you as a child to Rama. All the trials and tribulations, I have undergone , will be totally forgotten on that Joyful moment, like a student getting centum in Maths after the hectic preparation.

UN NINAIVE ORU SANGETHAM- to day ( 6-06-08) is the star birth day of yours and as usual we have family functions where we have grand meals with all. Yes Kalyani Chithi’s grandson Shreyas’( son of Cheema& Shoba) upanayanam function falls on this day and we all gather . We will be remembering you on that grand occasion.

We had shashtiaptha Bhoorthy for my brother Rajamani , which was celebrated grandly.
I did my prayers for his & manni’s good health and long life on that day. Recited Rudram along with vedic scholars .That ambition could not be fulfilled in respect of your sister Thaila’s father-in-law’s Sadabishekam, due to the untimely demise of her mother-in-law. I was consoled atleast with my brother’s 60th birth day function

Friday, January 18, 2008

Dear Santhamma

Santhamma. I am talking to you after a gap of four months. A huge gap indeed.

Lot of good things have happened. Rama is on the family way. Our dreams have come true. You should come out as a boy or girl without any trouble from her womb.
Poor girl is missing the motherly love & affection from you. When HE decides that you should be inside her womb how can she get? Under doctor’s advice she should be under complete rest with the exception of her daily routines. We engaged a cook after much trial & error one Lakshmi was regular . Unfortunately she has to be at Kumbakonam for her sister’s delivery. As promised she could not return. We are somehow managing with the items given by one Mami who prepared for your Anniversary functions. With the help of Bommi’s ( our servant maid) relative girl I am managing. Your deposit of good deeds yields the returns thru somebody or other .HE is great and YOUR noble deeds are great.

Rama worries toooooo much about the baby .probably her miscarriage on her seemantham day might have made her think like that. It is YOU who should give more courage and will power to her .Pl do and be with her in her mind..

I am doing my twin duty as a father and mother. What all I was not used to when you were alive( I thought all were not my cups of tea) I start doing now. Be it washing the clothings of Rama, drying and arranging nicely. ,preparing vegetable soup,. sundal daily arranging her hot water bath etc. Poor girl feels very much hungry and we have to give something at regular intervals. We can give food , and all other infrastructures but she has to be confident , bold . When you are inside her , why she should feel like that?. Child is the father of man. You should instill that courage to her

Ramalakshmi, my sister from Varanasi came to Chennai. In spite of my request to her to be with me at this crucial juncture , when the domestic help is away , she did not respond positively. That is world. The hard teacher, experience, gives many tests and useful lessons and this episode is one such. OORAI THERINCHUKITTEN ULAHAM PURINCHUKITTEN KANMANI AN KANMANI . That song sung by Rajni Kanth in a Tamil film comes to my mind. At least actor Rajni had his life partner by his side to console. To whom I should go excepting your soul.? PL give me the mental stamina, of course that is the one gift I am getting in plenty after your departure from this world.HE has made me identify the true colour of so many-kith & kins, friends, relatives and so on which makes me not sad but equipping me with more fortitude.

I was reading one of the great pieces of the Tamil writer Kalki -Sivakamiyin sabhatham There he gives a message as told by the great Saivite Thirunavukarasar

What we think as happiness or sorrow are not real happiness or sorrow : all due to the maya created by the bondage ( pasam as we call in Tamil). If we overcome that bondage no happiness or sorrow-all are same. we will attain that bliss of reaching HIM.

Very difficult to reach that state but it is not that much impossible . I can attain that state surely .With HIS & YOUR blessings Rama should give birth a child safely and I should see a child for Subha soon. I will lead a an active public life for another four or five years After wards I want to settle at Thiruvannamalai , the place which gives Moksha on remembering that name. My last days will be at that place only . As I pray before my daily meditation , my last moment will be on that place and on the most auspicious day for Lord Siva , my favourite GOD , the Mahashivarathri day after my healthy and fervent prayers to HIM. Whether it is another ten years or more ( which is known to HIM and to YOU only) I should lead a wealthy& healthy life without dependence on any-
physically , mentally, financially & psychologically. I should be able to help others with the above four . This is the fervent prayer I make to HIM daily, which I am sure will be granted.

UN NINAIVE ORU SANGEETHAM- I could not do any service when you were carrying Rama in your womb, since you were away to take rest at your mother’s place. I am happy that I am able to do that service to you when you are in her womb.
I was sad at that time and I am very happy now . I thank YOU and HIM for that nice opportunity .I was told by my friend Vaal Raghu , immediately on informing the happy news of Rama being on the family way, that YOU came on the dreams of his wife
Geetha , your friend, and told her that Rama is on the family way and she( Geetha) should help her. It had happened exactly on the day of the confirmation by the doctor about the happy news.. YOU are great indeed. When are you going to come on my dreams? As an answer I am able to hear YOU saying –what is the necessity of coming in dreams when I am always with you in each & every act of yours? That is true Santhamma. Absolutely true. Otherwise I should have been nowhere after your departure from this world..

Bye now

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Santhamma , days are moving fast. One year has passed after your departure from this world. People normally welcome September –Come September . In my case it is drive off September-Go September. The month that made you off from this world. Anyhow what that month will do? Now I am taking everything as it comes. The metamorphosis in me during this one year is something positive. From nowhere to some where .Negative thoughts , wild imagination about various events and plans haunted my inflicted mind. Finally I accepted the harsh reality and digested and reconciled .Four people are responsible for this paradigm shift and I thank them profusely for their interest in me. - the first one is the lady selling idlies nearer to our own flat in Vadapalani , who cautioned me about my falling health on 18th Oct ’06 exactly after one month of your departure from this world, the second is astrologer Shri. Chandrasekar,- he is more than a brother for me,who gave positive guidance and shaped me for betterment thru his continuous guidance-by phone & his frequent personal visits to Chennai:- the third one being the Gita exponent Swami Parthasarathy, who showed a distinct spiritual path for me and the last and not the least one is my reverent Guruji Shri .Narayanan , who thru his ATMA GNANA YOGA programme and his personal life example( who taught useful lessons to me like-so what , what next? Life is a tape recorder. Don’t have your life with rewinding or fast forward but with play only –that alone can give music. The other two will give only noise. His Yoga exercises are helping me to maintain a good health). All these people were GOD-sent and with your blessings too. These are the people who have lifted my personality enabling me to lift the world., for which I am equipping myself slowly. HE gives the illness and the remedy too. All happens with some purpose in life. We are only too ignorant to grasp this. If that Gnana comes , we will go nearer to HIM. When , how , which Janma.? That is also HIS will. I find myself reaching towards the maturity level that I should accept life as it comes .Ego, anger, lust , jealousy are all vanishing . Will follow the principle of thinking good, speaking good and doing good for the mind, body , soul and to others. Service and sacrifice are the two vehicles that make us reach toward GOD which will be pursued by me during the rest of my life.

With HIS will and with YOUR blessings , we are launching SHANTHANJALI TRUST today , which will carry out purposeful activities to the needy. I will be at Thiruvannamalai on this day visiting Arunachaleswarar temple and Ramanamaharishi Ashramam. Somehow Thiruvannamalai has become nearer to my body , mind & soul so much. Even I use to contemplate that my last moments will be at that place, that is close to LORD SHIVA, who is my favourite GOD. This soul should leave the body at the most auspicious time of Mahashivarathri for LORD SHIVA at that place., that is my fervent prayer. People say that the very name of that place will make us get salvation. I long for that salvation in that holy place.

Rama, our elder daughter has come with our son-in-law Kumar. She will be here with me .If HIS will and YOUR blessings are there, she should leave for Dubai with a child. That is our prayer and your last wish too. I am enjoying her company. From loneliness to love & affection from my dearest daughter- from preparing food, serving food, eating food, cleaning all the vessels lonely (like an othan who does the rituals for the deceased persons on the 11th day) to doing joyfully with my dear and affectionate daughter. HE and YOU should give me that golden opportunity of doing my twin responsibility as a father and mother( Thayumanavan as they call in Hindu Mythology) to my daughters. I did not have the opportunities to take care of you, by your side, when you were in family way for Rama& Subha –our two daughters , since you were away from me on heath reasons in the case of Rama and due to my official assignments in the case of Subha. HE & YOU should give that opportunities of taking care of my daughters during their pregnancy. I long for that service to Rama soon , to be followed to Subha .Will YOU bestow that?

Experience is a hard teacher , who gives test first and lessons later. That teacher has given me lot of tests in this one year period, and many valuable lessons too . The minds , attitudes and the real colours of so many , that teacher has enabled me to identify .I am nothing to judge them , only thing they are settling the Karma account with me , that is all. I am conditioned to all odds-going without proper food or no food , due to the late arrival or without proper stuff for the stomach ( that was loaded with varieties by you , which was not properly responded by me in your life time) or cleaning the vessels after odd hours due to non arrival of servant maid , cleaning the floors on your thithi days, arranging & preparing the vessels for cooking , making the milk & yoghurt –all these I thought as something –not my cup of tea-It is HE and YOU made me realize that I should be accustomed to it. Rama is asking me now - how appa, can you eat very little subji for the meals and certain subjies not liked by you ,given by the caterer, which is not your usual? I use to tell her- HE & your mother’s good soul have at least given this , when so many are striving for one square meal. I should be thankful to THEM. I am accustomed to all odds and more so to the torturing loneliness. When ever I feel depressed , I use to stand before your enlarged photo. When I weep, I find that reflection in your photo. When I find myself joyful due to the good experience in the
class /corporate lectures, I find that happiness in your photo. The world is a mirror image of what we see. YOU are my world, so that is why it happens, I presume .YOU are like that Monolisa to me..

I have never failed to do the 12 months rituals done every month(excepting at my stay and inevitable occasion at Dubai) for you as per the traditions. I am proud to say that I have done to you single handedly in these days-the duties to the deceased done like a son . Excepting two or three occasions, not a day passed without offering rice-dhal-ghee combination offered to the crows amidst my busy schedule in the morning, I can say with certainty. This is not something to blow my own trumpet , but to make it known to others about my humble service to my departed wife, whom I have not served like this even in her life time, I doubt. Somehow, our wish, that the year end rituals should be done at Varanasi is not able to be materialized. Probably it should be done with all our
ancestors ‘s rituals, that may be HIS & YOUR wish.

Your joy of serving will continue thru the Shanthanjali Trust, we are dedicating today. You always care for others more than the family members. YOU were always following the lesson that our home should be the centre , not the boundary of our affection. Thru Shanthanjali Trust , that statement will come true, I can assure YOU.

You remember that I was mentioning about the prayer to GOD as sent by my friend Bala.
That prayer I do regularly, of course with betterment.

That will give you some idea about the paradigm shift in me , during this one year period.

Prayer 1.:- I love you GOD. GOD, YOU are bestowing me good or bad depending upon the deeds done in my last janmas. You are highly impartial. YOU give me valuable lessons , experiences daily and thru that some sort of clarity in my mind

Prayer 2:- I thank you GOD. YOU dragged my dear from me, but YOU have given me the most loving, caring daughters, son-in-laws, relatives, friends, who are enabling me to have attachment to my life. I should do something useful for others and lead a meaningful life. YOU have given the gift –skill of teaching , thru which I impart life skills for the students , whom I treat like my own children. They are also much attached to me . YOU have given the writing skills , thru which I will spread valuable messages to the society. I will do useful & needy programmes for the poor students. I will help the needy –physically, financially .Thank you GOD for blessing me with this kind of thoughts .

Prayer 3:- YOU are inside me. Please guide me properly and lead towards the right path. Purge off the negative thoughts, anger, jealousy completely from me. Give me mental stamina, positive mind and courage

Prayer 4:- I am attracting YOUR blessings. Please pour YOUR blessings in carrying out my assigned responsibilities as a parent,( twin responsibilities as a mother& father)
in carrying out my social obligations to the deserving children and the needy , with the gift given to me, enlighten the youth for shaping their future, with my writing gift given by YOU , spreading the purposeful message to the society-all these require a sound mind, body with good thoughts . O GOD , bestow me with sound health, mind, wealth , wisdom so that I can stand on my own legs-physically, mentally, financially, psychologically. How many years I am going to live –that is immaterial. How useful I am to others –that is more important. The astrologer says that I will longer-I am not attracted by that. In fact I make a fervent prayer to YOU that –I want to live for another max-10 to 15 yrs only. The balance left out life , pl utilize for some needy person.

GOD, no more Janma for me. Take this soul by your side, when it leaves this sinful body& mind. That too take this life when this body and mind are engrossed with the prayer to its favourite GOD LORD SHIVA, on the most auspicious day of Mahashivarathri.Pl give that blessings to me.

Prayer 5:- GOD I am seeing you every where. I find every body as your reflection. I try to do something good for each.

Prayer 6:- GOD, forgive those who have done bad for me. I don’t have any eligibility to judge them. Pl bless them, still I love them.

Prayer 7:- GOD , Let me do YOUR good work.Thru the Shanthanjali Trust, let this body & mind get the satisfaction of serving for others. The departed soul of my beloved wife was finding immense pleasure in serving others, which will be continued thru that trust.

Each and every syllable of this prayer will be scrupulously followed by me till my last breath. As is said nicely, TOUGH TIMES NEVER LAST, TOUGH PEOPLE DO. I have somehow crossed the one year tough period. I am sure this tough man with his conviction and clear direction & proper goal will lead a meaningful and purposeful life –that may be HIS will . Santhamma Pl offer YOUR blessings for that mission .

Santhamma, we get what we deserve. I deserve this kind of life due to my bad deeds in my previous janmas. I can’t rewrite that. But I can shape my future with the good deeds that are to be done by me from now onwards. That is with me and my free will, the wonderful gift given by GOD, is alert now and with YOUR blessings that will surely guide me properly .

Santhamma, UN NINAIVE ORU SANGEETHAM. The thirty years of our married life is something to be cherished upon for ever . With that memories and with the service to the humanity , I can lead the rest of my life peacefully , if not joyfully, of course useful for others. If the contents of this blog can tell some useful message to the youngsters and if they lead a happy and purposeful life, settling their differences, I & YOUR soul will be much happier. That I feel will be a right &useful step towards the society

My life guidelines will be, as told by the wise old man:-

Free your heart from hatred
Free your mind from worry
Live simply
Give more
Expect less

I will not trouble you every month here afterwards: will contact you when ever I feel like. Till then bye bye.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

HE is meticulous programmer

Santhamma, recent happenings , in this world will be updated to you. Mandi Srinivasan after a hectic battle with lung cancer passed away on a Monday. Monday may be a day of leaving this world for good people, it may be HIS wish. A good soul who was toiling for the company he was working for. How the company is going to help his family especially his not-so developed son. In a way I am better and well off .I use to recollect the saying-I was in blues, since I had no shoes, until I see a man in the street who had no legs. Life is an event of consolation and compromise. I made my self consoled with my state of mind compared to his. Mandi wept from his heart last time when I visited him before his death. .He made a remark that a widower is a zero after the separation. Whether I will be a zero or with your backing all the ways and all the days I am going to make my life meaningful –the time will be the witness. Surely the latter will become the reality,. with HIS blessings and with your good soul wishes. I am sure and I pray for that too.

Things have started moving in that direction. I have joined with ATMA GNANAYOGA TRUST to do free programme for students, for which we have started the job.

The long –cherished programme of mine KARMIC INTELLIGENCE got flagged off at Tuticorin, at PALMS , which was well received and made me satisfied. As I have been repeatedly telling, all the major proceeds out of that programme will be spent for the charity , which I am planning to start under your goodself name SANTHA TRUST, on 18-09-07 , your first anniversary day. I am happy that the Jaycee movement , that has been instrumental for my well being , has put the PILLAYAR CHUZHI for your trust. I wish and pray that trust will serve for so many needy, telling your name in all the days to come , irrespective of my presence in this world or not. I am also happier on that Saturday , 12th August, when I gave a guest lecture at Sagar Sadan the guest house of SPIC .You remember my oath that I will enter SPIC FACTORY premises only as a faculty. It was made to happen on your star day, the Punarpoosam star. It is HIS and your good soul’s wish for that.

HE is a meticulous programmer in all. HE does with utmost precision well in advance. We are only ignorant on each. The moment we land on this world, on a transit visa, the expiry date of which HE only knows , each and every thing is very meticulously planned well in advance by HIM.

Take my case of learning the house hold activities. HE has planned about my being alone in 2006, HE has made a solid ground for that in 1966, well before 40 yrs when my mother died and I was to help my father in household activities. Even when I was enjoying your tastier and different varieties of food , I was keeping aloof from going too many with my self imposed restrictions. Probably HE might be prepared for me to this lonely state , so that I can control my tongue. You remember you used to ridicule that I have been taking these ayurvedic items like ANJAL , SAMAHAN, THOODHUVALAI , NILAVEMBU etc. In fact they are in handy now for me to keep my health better.

The Jaycee movement , which I started as a pastime , and using the training sessions as my service to students and society became my profession. Now it has become my passion. The students and the other participants whom I see during my training sessions make me forget my worries and the loneliness. I get enthused in being the company of many. As Swami Parthasarathy says in his GITA discourse, home should be the centre and not the periphery of our action. HE has made my life meaningful in sharing my knowledge and skill in teaching( a gift bestowed by HIM) with the needy. He has thought about it well in advance in 1986 , twenty years before the tragedy HE planned to give in my life. What a meticulous programmer HE is?

After Rama’s marriage, I was somehow attracted towards religious and spiritual activities, thanks to Ananatharama mama of Indian Airlines . I was the youngest. Sometimes I used to think why I am fascinated towards this rigorous religious activities, which is normally a post–retirement activity for average human beings like me. The answer for these HE has kept with HIM and disclosed after your departure. HE has mentally prepared me to withstand the crude shock , HE planned to give it to me. A spiritually strong person can face the hurdles and difficulties. HE is making me to move in that direction. That may be the preparation HE gave it me in terms of the spiritual programme which I and Subha attended just before her marriage. The timely warning and the measures of overcoming my problems in health as given by the astrologer Chandrasekar was HIS intention. His motivation and positive direction are all a source of GOD-sent inspiration. On the same grounds , immediately after my shifting to Ashoknagar , the yoga programme and the subsequent association with the Guruji Narayanan has been as per HIS will and direction. If at all , I get more meaning and purpose to my life even after the gruesome tragedy of your departure and my being alone
it is because of that Guruji. He is a role model for me, sent by HIM. As you know , I am an ardent devotee of LORD SHIVA .It is the Lord SWARNAPUREESWARA who made my mind very tough on that fateful day 18-09-06 , when I fell before HIM to decide about your future. HE made me to take the most painful decision in my life-to withdraw the life support for you in the hospital, but for that your soul should have been tortured more.
After my recent pilgrimage to Thiruvannamalai and visit to Ramanasramam , my mind wanders around that place. Two days back , one rich, pious and highly spiritual person called Dr. Selvaraj ,an ardent devotee of Ramana Maharishi , referred by PK.Venkatraman of our Rudram group , visited our place. HE gave me the opportunity of sharing my training skills and techniques with that person, about which he told your being is shown by Lord Arunachala to me. His spiritual association I am sure will be much beneficial, since both of us are of same wavelength . HE is again proved to be a meticulous programmer.in shaping our life for betterment.

Alas , HE also planned your departure , meticulously. The leptopyrosis you had , might have planted seeds for your departure, after which , your well being , slowly started coming down. The briskness and spirit , you had in SPIC NAGAR dwindled down. As one participant in one of my programmes in Anna institute and a doctor by profession pointed about , your leptopyrosis would have led to HEPATATIS B , which would have erupted suddenly .HE would have planned for your sudden departure thru that .Every time , you fall sick, I used to be by your side and would take care. But it is HIS will and wish that I was prevented from doing so on your last days, my hands and minds were tied due to my being affected with chickun Guniya . What else can explain this other than Karma? When I was narrating this incident to my participants of my recent programme on KARMIC INTELLIGENCE , I could not control myself. HE meticulously plans and executes according to our Karma , which we are not aware of. We cannot rewrite the past but we can do with our future thru our good and unselfish deeds. Probably it may be HIS wish that I should devote more time for the society thru my training programmes. That may be HIS wish and will . that may be the reason for my completing my responsibilities as a father.
Don’t bother more about your daughters. They are well off. Your wife had seen all in that young age. I have taken her towards my abode on that auspicious day-somavara dhuvadasi day in a a Malayapaksham . Her mission in her life is fulfilled-her account balance is nil. You have more negative balance, which has to be settled. Settle that too and come to me. I am showing that path of settlement also to you.
My mind ponders over these very often now and I intend to move in that path , destined by HIM. HE is a meticulous programmer , indeed.

UN Ninaive Oru Sangeetham- I had been to SPIC NAGAR last week. Our olden & golden days , I was able to recollect . You were like a queen in SPIC NAGAR, of which I have also been a part. I am proud of that. Some of the old friends are not even aware of your being away from this world. But your being is always with me , guiding me and inspiring me in each and every activity, in each and every decision I take.-be it my recent decisions on my continuing my classes in a business school or my programmes for a corporate-you make me take the right step. Pl continue to be with me for ever.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Endurance, the Ever lasting Cure –My Life Lesson

Blog 10- Title- Endurance, the Ever lasting Cure –My Life Lesson

Santhamma, Vaithy has left for Dubai and he is in search of job. With HIS & your noble soul’s blessings, he should settle soon, which are our fervent wish for ever for him. Kalpagam , the lady who worked with me in the consultancy when we came from SPIC( you know we have visited her house near Kapali temple , she will resemble like Jc, A.V.Ramanathan ‘s wife Saratha , you used to tell frequently) is looking after MIND-QUEST. I have made her a partner, so that she can have more say in business & profits. That is what I longed for Vaithy, unfortunately he is not for it. It is my desire that Mind-quest should spread its wings wide since it was started on your name. I am more particular on that. I am sure Kalpagam will fulfill our ambitions.

What can’t be cured should be endured. That is the unique lesson HE has been giving to me from my childhood. If I tend to analyse my life path it will be a bell shaped curve-starting from the scratch , going to the peak coming to bottom again.

Be it my being brought up by one malayala thatha( I don’t remember his face , but his love& affection to me has been registered in my inner consciousness-the hard disk with infinite bites memory) It was he who saved me from death , when I drank kerosene at my 3rd age, people use to tell. His care& concern brought me from the scratch.. I was with my thatha and patti till they left for Sengottai, with my uncle(vaithy’s parents) with aunt .I was with my parents together for 6 months. Mother died after six months of my joining with her. Helping my father to take care of my younger brothers( which is very much useful to lead my present lonely life taking care of me in my household affairs -thanks to HIM for the nice training given, well before, with the present state of things in HIS mind-HE is a perfect planner indeed.

Manicka thatha , my mentor and the person who was responsible for giving a college education, against my father’s wish, gave me some identity and confidence for me. If I am somewhere now, it is he who is responsible for that.. He was not there to see my coming in flying colours in BSc, with my being a gold medalist. He was very happy about my coming in school first the highest mark at that time. One of the peaks in my life came flattening with my unemployment for one year, which made me demotivated. With the blessings of Raman sir’s brother Narayanan , I got a job in Madura coats, subsequently in SPIC, there again my own father refused to give me guarantee with his house at Kalakad for my bond in SPIC. It was Kalyani Patti who came forward for that bond. I remember that great soul even now.Her gesture was also one of the reasons for my decisions to marry you .

In SPIC too I had a good career , to a certain period, career wise extra interests like Jaycees etc. you were active in ladies club, Jayceerettes. Etc. That too was not for ever. The recognition I was longing for, was not given. I decided to quit against the interests of many family members but with sole back up of my beloved wife.You were like queen in SPIC, No problem for you. But, you remember, you told ‘’ when things are not ok for you , it is same for me’’. We came to Chennai. The consultancy, where I was working, was closed. The bell curve came to deep bottom. You gave your fullest support . we started from the scratch-gave a descent education, very good life partners to our beloved daughters. We could be able to own a descent flat better than we owned in Ashoknagar. We came to the somewhat respectable position in society. I was thinking of making you more happier, since we have well carried out our responsibilities to our daughters. When I was reaching that peak of that bell shaped curve, it came to the scratch thru your death. What peak am I going to reach again in the rest of my life-what HE has in HIS mind for me ? I am not clear at present.. One thing is very clear we get what we deserve, not what we desire. We have to raise our deserving power instead of desires. Probably this poor man has to compensate with more good deeds in his future for whatever has been done in previous janmas which are not known to me. What cant be cured should be endured. ENDURANCE IS THE EVERLASTING CURE.. HE has given
that greatest lesson to me in my life., which I have taken to my heart bottom.

I am avoiding the marriage receptions of close relations& friends, for the simple reason, people started about my state of being now, for the sake of asking something. The will power and confidence level would start going to the scratch – resembling the ladder -and the snake -like thing in pambu kattam, we use to play in child life and also during Vaikunda Ekadasi day.

I was going to see Mandi Srinivasan, who was with his family in our Kanpur life.
He is suffering from Lung cancer, a torture. I was recollecting your days, where you were battling for life, without knowing what was going on, since in Coma state. You lived royally, death was also royal for you. The torture was not known to you. One way you were blessed.

You had lot of unfulfilled desires- a child for Kumar& Rama, longing for parental love, longing for rich life, which I could not give more as I planned till your death:- which When I planned to offer to pour, you were detached from me. I also had unfulfilled desires about you as a good singer. All these bunch of desires will come as a reality if you come as a child to Rama. Why are you delaying that? Why hesitation? Do it immediately., Santhamma.

Un Ninaive oru Sangeetham-Kala’s husband Narasimhan( LIC agent) had come last week, for collecting premium. He was telling very high about you. Very wonderful & kind lady-he was making remark about you mentioning about one incident where you offered butter milk when he came during a day time in summer. You would always give what is required , at the opportune moment. You are not giving the required for Rama, even now.

Subha was telling about her experience of getting motivated after wearing your bangles which she has taken it along with her recently. How she was upset in her job before and the state of things that changed on the day she wore that bangle – a new assignment given by her boss and the yearly bonus given for working merely for 2 months . Really your soul is a SOURCE OF INSPIRATION INDEED. I had a good experience on the day of your sothambam on Tuesday. I forgot to make the rice ready for the meals and for the crows to eat. I was awaiting the sasthrigal to come, who came late on that day. In that hurry bury I totally forgot the thing. A crow, probably , your good soul in that form was making huge noise as if reminding me on that. You are always with me, Santhamma.

I went alone( for the first time in life) for the movie-Sivaji thru Karthik Fine arts’ pass.. I was recollecting the first movie we saw together PATHRA KALI. Kannan oru kai kuzhandai –the memorable song you would be singing often. I am also remembering the first tour we went after our marriage, to Guruvayur and Palani where we had two different experiences-the pleasant dharshan at Guruvayoor and money snatching experience at Palani. I am now pondering over those memorable periods, at this juncture of torturing loneliness.

I am praying to HIM and requesting your good soul to bestow upon me the peace of mind during the rest of my life. HE need not take me to the peak of my bell shaped curve but HE should never drag me down to the bottom. That is my sincerest prayer to HIM and to your noble soul. Are you hearing this poor man’s prayers?