Un Ninaive Oru Sangeetham…….

This blog will be recollecting my journey, with my better-ever- half , which was abruptly stopped by the cruelest fate, deciding that she should be better off from me. Santhamma might have alighted down well before me, but her soul travel will continue with me till my end., guiding and motivating me throughout..


M.Hariharamahadevan B.Sc, M.B.A, Dip-TD Mail id- hari9553@yahoo.com Location: Chennai,India A chemist turned into HRD Consultant out of interest. Has got more than two decades of industrial experience. Has worked in various capacities in M/S.SPIC LTD and came out as manager. From 1996 onwards, doing placement, training and OD activities for leading corporates in IT and Manufacturing sectors both private and public, under the name MIND-QUEST MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS. Has conducted more than 2000 sessions , so far. Short story and Drama writer. Short Stories have been published in Tamil magazines and dramas enacted. Has given talks thorough AIR and TV Channels on management topics

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Thani(mai) Kudithanam( LIVING ALONE)

Santhamma, I am back to Chennai from Dubai .Enjoyed the warm hospitality of our beloved daughter Rama, Mappillai Kumar& our relatives. Rama prepared varieties of tasty food items, proving to be your daughter. More than the varieties , the care , concern, the true love & affection shown by her, made the foods more tastier and easily digested.I have regained 3kgs of lost weight , as assessed by the relatives & the lady selling iddlies near to our flat, who is really my well wisher. . You have given birth to a loving daughter& dutiful wife for which we should be proud of. I am blessed to have that type of daughter.

Staying alone in Vadapalani flat. Why the word lonely, when the soul of Santhamma& blessings of Lord Shiva are with me ( the two S’s –strength ) Why should I consider me as being alone, when I have my own world of music CDs’s and good companion of my favourite books ? I have chosen this loneliness consciously. I recall a nice piece of article, got recently from one of my well wishers. Certain incidents in that are much apt for me at this juncture, which I am reproducing below:-

An old widower is shown an old age home for living. Without actually seeing the room, he says he likes it. The accompanying man tells him he has not even seen it. How can he say in advance about his liking. The answer by the old man for this, is worth crores
‘’Happiness is something which I choose in advance , whether I like it or not. It is already made up in my mind that I will like this room. It is the same decision I take every day when I wake up . Old age is a bank account . Whatever you have deposited in your previous years , you withdraw it later. I follow the guide lines for happiness as
1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worry
3. Live a simple life
4.Give more
5.Expect less

Above passage is worthy to be followed by any, the more so by me at this state. I have accepted the harsh reality , reconciled and somewhat digested too. I will scrupulously follow the above passage in all the days to come. This lone peril state is one experience destined by HIM, which I should undergo without any hatred towards HIM or without any self pity .Probably I can be shown some compassion by HIM , for my good & obedient act, as done for an obedient and dutiful prisoner by the jailer.As told by the great dramatist Shakespeare, ‘’ All the world is a stage and all the men & women are only players.’ To the best of my knowledge and ability, I have carried out my duties as a faithful son, as a caring Husband to you and an affectionate father to our loving daughters, so far. That roles have been played well which will be well-known to your soul , HIM and to my conscience. The world will also endorse that, I hope. Probably HE and of course your noble soul may be watching my performance at the present destined role, which will also be fulfilled to HIS & your satisfaction ,I am sure. Each and every role is a new experience , given by HIM and the learnt lessons are more important than the experience itself. Probably your noble soul would have been more blessed to leave off this world without the torture of any kind, after fulfilling the duties& responsibilities much earlier. Or I am rather not blessed to have you with me, at the age , when ,I require your companion. I am not clear. One thing about your last days- you were clinically dead on that fateful 12th Sep Tuesday night. But LORD SHIVA purposefully delayed your departure till the most auspicious day, thithi, time on that 18th Sep Monday. Though it is not comparable for the souls of our ordinary human beings with that of noble Bheeshma, who Himself was awaiting the utharayana( falls in the month of Jan ) for his departure from this world. . My favourite GOD Lord Shiva was awaiting to take my beloved Santhamma, at the most auspicious time for HIM, making us consoled that we did our best for you-you were seen by our daughters , son-in-laws, & our close relatives. A twin purpose indeed by HIM.

The statement by the Josyar mama Chandrasekar that your noble soul will be with us guiding &motivating us, is proved each and every day. I have kept your favourite-coloured jacket piece with the jolna bag. Whenever I feel depressed, helpless, painful in my usual right knee, I used to take that piece, To my wonder& surprise –all will go off. People may laugh, but that cannot be explained, which was experienced by me . Sivakami chithi was also endorsing it about her experience of mediclaim sanction for chithappa’s cataract operation recently , when she kept your photo in her purse, during the hospital stay.

Ayyappan, the brother-in-law of Ganesa mama passed away , leaving his wife and daughter. Many helped the family, financially, this soul being blessed among those.
Thanks to Sivakami chithi for the nice motivation on that lines for me. The lady selling iddlies, was requesting for financial help for her daughter’s marriage, for which I immediately obliged. The amount given was very meager, but the smile on her face and the nice words with which she blessed our daughters, are worth billions. It is true that HE has put us in a financial state & state of mind to offer help for the needy. We might not have given any property to our daughters, but these are the treasures, we are saving for our daughters, which alone may go with them for ever, I am sure.

Un Ninaive Oru Sangeetham-when I am undergoing this Thani(mai) kudithanam in 2007, I recall our good old days in 1977, where we started our thanikudithanam at Jesudaiyar compound in Tuticorin. At that 150 sq ft small place, you remember- the owner, with 16 children-all name end with mani’s. You used to joke how the parents remember those children with their names. We were happier at that small place. I ask GOD why can’t HE place that happiness for ever?

I saw the Pillayar wall- hanging portrait gifted by you to all our relatives & friends at Dubai. All recall your noble soul, on seeing that portrait-a real tribute for your soul.

Pl continue to be guiding me, till I complete the assigned role & responsibilities and then joining with your noble soul. Pl recommend to LORD SHIVA to bestow the same blessings to me, as done to you in respect of reaching HIS ABODE, in my end, however nearer or longer that may be, even though my preference will be for the former. I don’t know HIS desire .Probably you may know it better.