Un Ninaive Oru Sangeetham…….

This blog will be recollecting my journey, with my better-ever- half , which was abruptly stopped by the cruelest fate, deciding that she should be better off from me. Santhamma might have alighted down well before me, but her soul travel will continue with me till my end., guiding and motivating me throughout..


M.Hariharamahadevan B.Sc, M.B.A, Dip-TD Mail id- hari9553@yahoo.com Location: Chennai,India A chemist turned into HRD Consultant out of interest. Has got more than two decades of industrial experience. Has worked in various capacities in M/S.SPIC LTD and came out as manager. From 1996 onwards, doing placement, training and OD activities for leading corporates in IT and Manufacturing sectors both private and public, under the name MIND-QUEST MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS. Has conducted more than 2000 sessions , so far. Short story and Drama writer. Short Stories have been published in Tamil magazines and dramas enacted. Has given talks thorough AIR and TV Channels on management topics

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

communication with a noble soul

This is not an ode to Nightingale. But, certainly, will be my constant communication with the soul of my own Nightingale, Santha, the magnet that attracted this iron piece. (Kantham pol izhukkuthadi sahiye , en Kanthimathi ammayin……..the first song, I heard from her sweet voice and her best, prize winning song too, still reverberates in my mind.)

This blog will be recollecting my journey, with my better-ever- half , which was abruptly stopped by the cruelest fate, deciding that she should be better off from me. Santhamma might have alighted down well before me, but her soul travel will continue with me till my end., guiding and motivating me throughout..

Santhamma, you were not able to hear our words from the moment you were admitted in the hospital till you breathed last. .
I am sure your soul will hear my voice, from the moment, it leaves your body,

Your Life journey till that fateful 10th Sep was a pleasant one, is it not? Am I not a part of that? Was I not making you happy and beside your desires and deeds?.

Santha –Santha Hari-Jayceerette Santha Hari- a PR figure-unadulterated compassionate lady- Ponamma mami-Shivaloha prapthi on that Maalaya Krishna Patsha Dhuvadasi thithi.

Your journey ,marked with the colorful transformation , is worthy to be cherished for a person traveling together for around 30 yrs , which will be shared in this blog

You may be short-lived. But you have seen all, at this madhyama life, as you frequently utter.. You have seen all, living like a queen. I am happy that this soul was by your side for all your good deeds. You were with me during the critical part of my life, encouraging me, motivating me, during the crisis. Behind every successful man they say there will be a woman.. You prove to be of that type. But, you are not there at this ripe moment , the time of enjoying the fruits. The only unfilled desire for your soul is-you have not seen any grandchild. But you will be reborn in this family to Rama, soon. I am sure , your soul will give a firm yes to this fervent prayer of mine. Will it not?

People call you Annapoorani, but the irony of fate was that you embraced death , the starting point being the low blood sugar. Should that fate be too much cruel to you?

You were a high PR figure , giving that psychological oxygen-they call it as stroke –the recognition, the appreciation. I may teach Transactional Analysis, strokes in my lecture. But you were the one , who really practised it. But, again, the same cruel fate , made you long for that physiological oxygen, filling your lungs with acidity, coming from the vomited material.

Righteous are forsaken –the reasons given may be many. But, that has happened to my Santhamma. I have been lamenting for my destiny right from that cruelest day 18th Sep till today, 16th Oct..

The lady who sells idlies nearer to our flat , Santhamma , you remember that lady, called me on this day , exactly after four weeks of your death , the day on which , the first thithi of yours was performed.

I can take those words told by that lady as coming only from your soul!

"Ayya, enna ippadi elaichu poittenga, packa romba kashtamayirukku. Muthu mathiri rendu potta pillaya pethupottu poyirukka maharasi . Atha rendayum, oru thayaa , thakappanaa vechu kappathunga ayya. Ponga , dhairiyama irunga "

A paradigm shift indeed. I could find the transformation in me. The motivation you were giving , still goes on., my dear Santhamma. Pl continue that for ever.

The book , written by my close friend, Dr. Bala – one of his best pieces-Prarthanai , which I admire most, was read again. I got new meaning for his prayers –a new meaning for my own life. Thanks to Dr .Bala, for presenting that book to me. Thanks to that lady, selling iddlies for the apt words at the appropriate moment.

Will your soul hear that prayer with my own interpretation for my present life?.
I dedicate these prayers to your noble soul, Santhamma.

Prayer No 1:- I LOVE YOU GOD
God’s ways are for some purpose. We have come to this world for some experience, based on our poorva janma karma- the experience of joy& sorrow, love&, hatred, good&, bad etc.
We have to ultimately balance that karma into a positive one. HE may be having some purpose for my present state, the reasons may not be known to this poor soul at this moment, can’t be analysed too at this moment., which is foolish too. I love you GOD for all the good you have shown to me. Pl make me realize the true path and ways for betterment not for anything to me in person, but for my daughters and their family and to the society.

Prayer No 2:- THANK YOU GOD

I thank you GOD. GOD, you have closed one door dashing against my face .But you are showing many opened doors –many mind doors, whose significance is worth more than crores. The love & affection of my two beloved daughters –the two Muthu- my wife has begotten ,the unadulterated love & affection of my two-son-in-laws-the two Manickam, you have shown - the relatives and friends –the more so our sambanthi-Mrs. Mythili Gopalan & Mr. Gopalan , who, were with us during that hours of need. Thank you GOD for everything. Such noble minds are there even in this Kali Yuga. How am I going to repay that debt?

There is a prayer to YOU by somebody.

I was in blues, because I had no shoes, until I see a man in the street , who had no legs. Life is an event of consolation. We always make ourselves consoled, on seeing people worst than us in many aspects. No doubt , YOU dragged my better half abruptly. But , it is YOU who made me take that most painful decision in my life, on that fateful 18th Sep-the decision to with draw the life support for my beloved Santha, but for that, that soul should have undergone much torture, with the ventilator. How long, could she have continued with artificial support, testing the patience of everyone including mine?
There are many patients, who are in COMA state for months or even years together, Thank you GOD, you never landed her in that peril state. She lived like a queen , died like a queen. Thank you GOD for saving that great soul from the torture, without even realizing that torture, undergone for more than five days, because of being in the unconscious state.

I am told by a best astrologer, that the worst period had come for me and my beloved Santha during last October itself. Either one of us or both should have been off from this world. Since my planetary positions were better than Santha’s, I escaped, he says.

Alas, I can’t imagine Santha , as a lady without me. .It is better that mine to be a widower. She cant tolerate that mental agony, that torture. She wont have that mental stamina. It is better for her to be better off than to be that kind of physical& virtual bitter half. I can’t even imagine that. Thank you GOD for gradually preparing me, well in advance, for the future shock, you planned to give for me, with the vedas & spiritual practices . Thank you GOD for those base, the foundation, but for that I should have gone mad, without bearing able to tolerate that irreparable loss..


Without that , this poor soul would have not dared to take right decisions, face the harsh reality.Pl continue YOUR ways and means to make me realize to take life as it is, accept people as they are. This greatest lesson , if understood by the poor souls , like me, what can harm us and the inside YOU?

YOUR’s blessings are always with me. I seek that for ever till my last moment. I wont have worldly desires for me as an individual. I should live for my daughters and their families and for the society . I can’t compare this poor soul with that Great soul- Bhishma.This soul is far far away from that state. But, my life, hence forth, will be as practiced by that great soul. O GOD, will you give me that privilege, given to that noble soul-to leave this world at the time, it desires? Will you grant me that will to leave the world at the time, this soul feels, it has finished its duties and responsibilities to all concerned-including to my daughters& family-they are safe, peaceful and happy- for whom this poor Hari will be a THAYUMAANAVAN .& to the society, as a service provider for which ,the departed soul of my better half Santha has left something unfinished. All my prayers henceforth, will be for that only. This soul will be the happiest, if it leaves from this bhootha udal during the time of such prayers to you my GOD. I am sure, I will attract your blessings on those lines.


Since I see YOU everywhere, I want to do service to the society, with the skills bestowed by you-the training skills. Training the younger minds, on the right attitudes, values, aims to face the world boldly.

Prayer No 5:- GOD, BLESS , I love….YOU

In our journey together, myself and Santha had some unpleasant experiences with some, for no fault of ours-the reasons may be, those would have settled the poorva karma with us –GOD ,I forget those, this poor soul won’t have the eligibility to forgive them-only YOU have that. Still I( and the departed soul of Santha too ) love them . pl forgive them and bless them.


Different people do different types of service to society. You have given some skill, the worth of which can be judged by YOU only. With even that worth, this soul wants to do service to the younger generation, through the training programmes, teaching our moral values to them-especially the young unmarried men & women who are prone to divorce quickly after marriage .This has greatly affected the departed soul of Santha. This soul wants to undertake this activity seriously as a part of the contribution to that noble soul. GOD give me the physical & mental stamina to undertake that mission. Give me the sareera & athma bhalam towards my journey.

Santhamma, is your soul listening to those prayers?

I am able to recapture your frequent words,Santhamma, said through our landline to my mobile when my being away from you gets prolonged-engha irukkel ? I will give the usual reply-itho vandunde irukken. The significance of that word 'itho' was not well understood at those times. Now , well understood . The exact timing of that 'itho' for reaching you , I don’t know. But, I am sure and pray ,that should be my own privilege to be given by HIM. As mentioned in my prayer to HIM, my fervent appeal is for that privilege only.