Un Ninaive Oru Sangeetham…….

This blog will be recollecting my journey, with my better-ever- half , which was abruptly stopped by the cruelest fate, deciding that she should be better off from me. Santhamma might have alighted down well before me, but her soul travel will continue with me till my end., guiding and motivating me throughout..


M.Hariharamahadevan B.Sc, M.B.A, Dip-TD Mail id- hari9553@yahoo.com Location: Chennai,India A chemist turned into HRD Consultant out of interest. Has got more than two decades of industrial experience. Has worked in various capacities in M/S.SPIC LTD and came out as manager. From 1996 onwards, doing placement, training and OD activities for leading corporates in IT and Manufacturing sectors both private and public, under the name MIND-QUEST MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS. Has conducted more than 2000 sessions , so far. Short story and Drama writer. Short Stories have been published in Tamil magazines and dramas enacted. Has given talks thorough AIR and TV Channels on management topics

Saturday, November 18, 2006

A Positive Mind

Santhamma, the contents of the first blog , it seems , has made our well wishers with dense eyes and heavy heart. .The other side of it, may be, some might have perceived it as a ritual affair, made after the death of the most loved one. Some may view it as a blowing of one’s own trumpet. Both of the above perceptions, if they were be(might have been) , have to be dispelled .It is my duty to clarify my objective for the creation of the blog..

Apart from the expression of heart felt emotions and feelings towards your noble soul, from this ill-fated human being, the secondary purpose will be to enable the present day younger generation, get a feel of the true love, affection and bondage between the couples, for which , we stand as an example( as certified by many , despite a very few humanly draw backs in us, as perceived by me, when we lived together) .That bondage of love should transcend the ages and even the Janma, which should be well understood, chewed &digested by the present-day younger generation, who are more prone to jumping into hasty and wrong conclusions .Education should give confidence but not the arrogance. I know very well how the recent divorce cases in our close circles have affected your heart during the last part of your human life.. If a sizable number of couples( both present and future) realizes how they should live cordially, behave gently towards each other, learnt thru our relevant life examples, portrayed already & to be portrayed in this blog, it would serve the true purpose, I strongly believe and your soul also will endorse it , I am sure..

When you sleep peacefully, after the dreadful fever of human life( be the end hastened by chickun gunia, the treacherous villain? ) this lone person is loaded with more responsibilities, shouldering on this grief-stricken body and mind. HE and your noble soul alone should bestow me with the fortitude, so that I can fulfill my left out responsibilities and duties to my family and society. I have been paying my debt of gratitude one by one due to all .The present sufferings as a widower , destined for me by HIM are definitely not due to my deeds in this Janma. Probably I have to compensate with more good deeds to balance the bad deeds done in my previous janma, which I want to carry out during the rest of my life( max 10 years not more than that, as I fervently invoke to HIM in my daily prayers). I don’t have any personal desires for me as an individual. To meet to love and to part is the saddest tale of human heart . I don’t want to be born again and undergo that saddest tale more, for which I have started invoking serious prayers. HE has to bestow me with that blessings.

EETHAL ISAI BADA VAZHTHAL ATHUVALLATHU OOTHIYAM ILLAI YOYIRKU as told by Saint Valluvar (meaning – Living a life, praised by many with dhanam& dharmam, is what is required more for a soul). You have led that life, however shortest it may be. I will continue the rest, left out by you. With humble service, without a trace of ego ( half of my ego were shattered ,when you were wrapped in bed-sheet and crudely carried by the hospital boys on that dreadful day 12th Sep to Vijaya Hospital , when I was merely staring and standing like a statue without knowing to do anything; the remaining ego went volatile with the flue gases from the incinerator, when I was handed over a handful of my Kannamma’s asthi( bones and ashes) at the Kannamma Pettai crematorium, after your body was incinerated to ashes within mere 45 minutes . We talk rubbish , complain , fight and do all sorts of non-sense, without knowing that the same moment will be awaiting us some day or other. All these statements are not definitely coming out of Mayana Vairagya ( determination made at the burial ground) but by a firm conviction, made by this unfortunate soul. After your departure from this world, I have made certain resolutions and do scrupulously follow too:-

1. No sweets( my most favourite, as you were aware) chocolates, since my sweet heart went into coma due to low sugar, which haunts this poor mind. ( I have excluded biscuits, with your consent since this old man , during his lone stay, may long for them for quick questing of hunger.)
2. No mustache , since the one, who was much longing for it and asked me to grow that during our early married life, is no longer there with me. When the longing heart is no more physically, what is the need for this bloody hair?

Of course, I have kept my gentleman agreement, made after our marriage, that I would never call you DEE( calling a female in Tamil) at any point of time, barring only one occasion, when you cautioned me-enna dee varathu? Not that husbands calling their wives are bad , but we considered it as indecent, that is our own perception..

You had a very strong conviction, ever-positive mind which I always emulate . All for good, whatever happens will be for betterment, you believed and stood for that .You were very positive even amidst the worst, turbulent periods of our life. Even at the worst period of our life , when the consulting company I joined( after my quitting SPIC ) was closed, putting a big question mark, you were unraveled You remember your words? What if , we can start a mess-you have admin skill , I have cooking skill-I can’t forget those words ,of which I did make a mention in my interview with JAYA TV, a real tribute to your soul., I consider it now. When some of the women folk are tempting their husbands to make more money and torturing them despite the sumptuous earning , your words were giving me the strength of an elephant at that time. But for that, if your behaviour was also falling on the same track of those womenfolk, my place would have given way for grass to grow. I thank HIM for blessing me with that type of better half, which I cherish even now. Never came the word illai( do not have any) from your mouth. You were always contented and overwhelmingly positive even in any negative situations, which has taught me many positive lessons.

The same positive stand was there in you before our marriage &the last part of your life.. You remember –you have told about the incident before our marriage–an astrologer had told Manni( your mother) that you ( Santha) may not be liking me. You had told your mother if that was the case he did not know astrology –a clear & positive answer cannot be expressed by any other statement .I was also very firm that I should marry my uncle daughter .No regrets for some statements , after your death –for becoming a widower at this age did you marry her? 30 years of married life ,that too a meaningful life, is not a joke, it is not something to be fret upon,. but something to be cherished during the rest of my life.

I use to tell you very frequently during the last part of your life-Santhamma , you should take care of your health , you have obesity, leg pain, diabetics. We should not be a burden to our daughters and son-in-laws. We should help them without being a source of concern. For this oft-repeated statement, you wont answer anything, but will stare at me. I could not understand the implied meaning at that time. Now I realize that your staring was implying the clear message- I wont be a source of trouble for any , at any point of time. That staring was a positive affirmation .It has taught a meaningful lesson for me-you better take care of your body and mind-look after your health at least for the sake of your daughters , without being a source of concern for them. I should strive for that. HE and your noble soul should properly guide me on that.

Your oft-repeated , your favourite song ( sung by the immortal voice of M.S. Subbulakshmi) KURAI ONRUM ILLAI MARIMOORTHI KANNA, is something to be chewed upon , for the implied meaning. No regrets. We have plenty of everything. Probably we don’t deserve to have you with us for ever . Or, if we lose one, then only we get another, which is HIS philosophy of life., we can only take in that way. We have lost you. What we are going to gain, we don’t know at this stage. I have , for that matter, nothing to gain, but our daughters and son-in-laws have to gain more. Their happiness is my happiness, of course the happiness of your noble soul too.

At this moment , I want to share three recent incidents that happened , after your departure:-

1.One of our close family friends remarked as a part of the expression of his ritual condolences-How come are you alive , Hari,after losing Santha? How are you able to tolerate the cruel act of the fate? Did he mean to say that I should do the act of SATHI , practiced by women folks of pre-independence and by some practiced even now? Or should I curse HIM for showing this way? I can’t understand. Of course I wanted to come after you. But I have more duties to our beloved daughters, left abruptly by you.. Whatever may be the bitterest part of life, I am undergoing, now, after your departure from the world , all I have to , as destined by HIM. Probably I should have been instrumental in separating a loving couple in my previous Janma, for which , I am reaping out the consequences. I might have created more negative KARMA ACCOUNT. Instead of balancing the negative with more positive ones, which I intend to start in the near future, if I add on more negatives, where is the end? This worst experience is destined by HIM due to my bad deeds in my previous birth. I should have no birth henceforth or I should live peacefully in my next. My fervent prayers are for the former only.

2. One another statement came from another well( ill –wisher rather) wisher. He sincerely advised me for a second marriage. I busted at him and fired him left and right. Poor fellow does not know the true love and bondage between us. I told him my answer is a firm and clear NO . For that matter, if the same worst situation had come to me, at my say even 24 th age, instead of my present 54 th, and if that suggestion had come at that stage, the answer would have been the same. He has underestimated the meaning and significance of thirty years of our married life. I can only pray HIM to pardon .

3. One more statement about the astrological prediction made before our marriage. It was told at that time that the worst would happen at our Dasa Santhippu ( coinciding of the different dasas of the couple.) , at my age 32. One of our close circles was interpreting that period as this present fateful period. Oh it was predicted by him at that time. What if? We have led a purposeful and meaningful life, however shorter it may be. Even if they had predicted, before our marriage, that you will go off at the age of 48 , that would not have deterred me in marrying you.

See the tendencies of people. We can only pray HIM for giving them good kayenavasa manasentiyarva( good mind, words, deeds)

You remember, we have a wall portrait( decorating our main drawing hall) specially designed and presented by Preethi’s mother, for one of our wedding anniversaries-the caption in the portrait is reminding me your good soul always:-

Flower is the symbol of love. Spread its fragrance across the hearts .
You are like that flower. I am smelling that fragrance daily even now. .Your words, your song, your good deeds are good remembrances , which the cruel fate can’t erase from this mind. That will be everlasting .It is said that aspirations left unfulfilled by good people during their life time, would be made to happen by themselves , after their departure from this world, with their blessings from Heaven. You are proving to be one among them-yes good news has started coming for Kumar, our first son-in-law in his career front, for which we both were longing , when you were alive. I long for yet another good news for Rama, our elder daughter, that your good soul gets an entry in her womb, soon .You will soon be coming back to our family. That unfulfilled desire of yours ,in your life time, can be made to happen by you only. As the sasthirigal pointed out on your 13th day function, it will be the choice of your soul. Pl do make it happen. We can also pour the left out love& affection to you , when you are returning back as a child to the same family.Pl bless Subha& Sreedhar –our second daughter &son-in-law with all the good fortunes

UN NINAIVE ORU SANGEETHAM. I will share more thru this blog my green memories with you, venting out my true love & affection towards you, enlightening and educating our younger generation ,at the same time .That I consider as my small contribution to the society.